Okay, I hope this post doesn't offend anyone. I've not seen it talked about in Blogland before.
What am I talking about? The Last Word.
Gosh. In the last 6 months I've attended more funerals than in all my years. Just the other day I learned my very first blog friend/commenter passed. Then yesterday, a favorite coworker's wife.
Each time, I come away thinking, "I really need to let someone know what I want." (... rather, what I don't!) Great intentions.
But do you think I've actually done anything about it?
I like the quote, "Funerals are important rituals. They don't just recognize that a life has ended, they recognize that a life was lived."
Better, a Celebration of Life.
I love that idea!
I'm not sure if this is a trend, but I'm seeing more and more slide shows at services. Unlike the posed portraits (usually from a church directory), the images I'm seeing on the 'big screen' often provoke laughter -- at least, muffled giggles.
When my friend Sharon passed, I was delighted to see what a young beauty she'd been. Coming into someone's life as a card-carrying member of AARP, their past isn't something I think about.
The rest isn't so important as my Destination. Right?
Gotta have the last word!
I'm not in a rush, but I hope when the time comes someone will remember I loved this quote. (Minus the part about glitter, haha!)
I'll be buried in the Veterans cemetery as spouses are eligible. So that part is done. As for what they all want to do, I don't really care. The services/ memorials are really for the family. I hope they do whatever gives them comfort. What freaks me out more than anything and is why, I am constantly cleaning and clearing out drawers, etc is I don't want people coming in, to help take out my stuff and everything be messy or disorganized. I was most impressed when my sister died, and her house was spotless and organized! Lol.
ReplyDeleteWhen my son died, I wanted his best friend to play amazing grace on the bagpipes.All his friends told me, " but he hated those bagpipes" Me having them there brought me comfort and we all had a good laugh about it. No harm was done. 😇
I love that! "For it's the laughter, we will remember ...."
DeleteI'll be 81 in a few weeks and believe me, I've given this subject a lot of thought. No funeral for me, I've told the family to have a party and remember the good times. Mr D feels the same way. I'm not going to be there anyway because I'll be at home at last. And that's my last word! lol
ReplyDeleteThat sounds perfect ... in every way!
DeleteI'm so sorry for the losses you have been through. ((HUGS)) The celebration of life sounds nice. I think it is fine that you are putting photos together. However, I hope they are not needed for a long time. You take care.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Debby!
DeleteNot offensive at all! We've gone through a rash of losses here lately too. It's our ages, I'm sure. And it's very wise to chose now about how you'd like things done. It's actually kind to do so because having lost most of my family when it happens we're never really ready and it hits fast & furious on the emotions. Been there/done that.
ReplyDeleteSo, I'm almost 70, we have the burial plots picked out and paid for, wrote down suggestions for the burial(s), and also an example obits we kinda like. I've also wrote down how to access the financial accounts, who to contact and so forth for those that inherit. If our loved ones want to add anything to the celebration, like a slide show or whatever, I say go for it. All I really care about is that I'll be rejoicing at the feet of Jesus and in His presence forever. Just wanna make it all easier for them.
And that's my last word. *giggle* ❤️✝️❤️
What a blessing these details will be to your loved ones! You are so thoughtful ... and just gave me an idea or two.
DeleteThis is exactly what my Mother-in-law wanted. She called me over to her house about 2 weeks before she passed. She told me exactly what she wanted to wear. She did not want a pastor leading the service. She wanted it all done by her family. No fancy casket piece..she wanted a lily and her bible. This is what we did. The granddaughters all spoke as well as her two sons. It was the most beautiful celebration of her life. I think this is exactly how I want mine to be. We did the same at my brothers service...it was all about his life and how much he loved people. Both of them were Christians and the representation at their services spoke beautifully...I am so sorry for your loses Myra... These are things we all need to think about.
ReplyDeleteWhat a gal, your MIL! I'd like to take a page from her, too.
DeleteYes, this is exactly what I am having today ... its definitely A Day !
ReplyDeleteWe have done that planning and discussion with our 2 sons within the last two years. When bankruptcy and fraud enveloped our lives we had to hitch up our big "girl/boy" panties and get down to serious business. It was hard but oh so good. I have been going through photos and trying to write down thoughts about our lives.
Its Good therapy !! At our ages its will come sooner than later.
This really isn't a downer. Its just good for family to know more about us and how we see Life.
Sue
Thank you for underscoring my thoughts, Sue. I've not summoned the courage to speak to Troy about these things ... but it's time.
DeleteI keep telling my husband what I want, and I don't think he's listening, so I guess I need to tell my children, but I don't think they want to talk about it. But like you, I want a 'celebration of life' and I want people to be able to share their memories and thoughts, and I want songs that praise the Lord and shout victory in Jesus! I know where I'm going, and my prayer is that everyone else will eventually be there too. We do know where we'll be buried. His mother bought plots in a cemetery in hubby's home town for most of the family members. If there's still some left by the time we die, that's where we'll be. It's kind of like, "first come, first served". I know my kids are going to wonder what to do with all these family heirlooms/treasures after we are gone, but I really don't care at that point. They can have a big bonfire. I'll be up in glory shouting Hallelujah!
ReplyDeleteYesssss! I think my Tom's largely in denial; he doesn't want to discuss any of this.
DeleteYour "first come, first served" makes me giggle!
My father, before the Alzheimer's took him fully away, wrote down everything he wanted to be read/sung at his memorial service. It truly made mom's life, and ours, easier. I'm so sorry for the recent losses of your friends, Myra, and things like that certainly do give us the kind of wake up call you've written about here. I don't want loved ones crying at my funeral, but celebrating and remembering the good times. Leave a legacy, my friend! Blessings!
ReplyDeleteExactly ... no tears! Thank you, Martha!
DeleteSon3 has specific instructions that any eulogy they have must include the sentence "Her favorite word was verklempt". And after the services are over and the crowd is gone, he is to play "Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life" on his trombone, and the rest of my immediate family is to sing it (and hopefully laugh)
ReplyDeleteMonty Python, yesss! I love your son's sense of humor.
DeleteI've brought up the topic with Hubby a couple of times, expressing some of my wants. If push came to shove I doubt he'd remember any of it, so I should put it down in writing.
ReplyDeleteSame, here!
DeleteNeither Andy nor I want a funeral or celebration of life, so that makes it simple. We’re close to our daughter and are celebrating what we have while we still have it. ❤️
ReplyDeleteGood for you, Jean. Every day's a gift!
DeleteYou and I are on the same page there. I too have had a lot of friends and people I know die. I think the celebration of life is exactly what we should do.
ReplyDeleteYes! The last service I attended, the deceased was already 90-something, but it felt so sad and everyone was down. I don't want that at all.
DeleteYes! love the graphic at the end for sure. BUT I was so shocked when I read Shirley's wishes. Cremate me (already arranged) spread my ashes on Jim's grave (hubby). Go on living. Do Not tell anyone I have died no obit! This is the girl that told me, Jack write your obit and save everyone trouble. Set things up. DO NOT WAIT she told me 10 years before she died.
ReplyDeleteAnd YES we are saying and hearing those last words too many times. Good post lady, Love to you and whatshisname! I hope he wants a sax solo at his going. bye stay warm...
I remember when Shirley passed. She sounded like a lady who knew what she wanted (even at the end).
DeleteI am so sorry to hear about your recent losses. Praying for you and the families of those who have passed.
ReplyDeleteIt is natural to have thoughts of death as we grow old. The thing to remember is that funerals are for the living; not the dead. The dead have departed to their eternal destiny.
Whilst we can we need to discuss our wishes with our loved ones now and consider their needs - not ours.
God bless.
So true! This reminds me of a splendid old book, "Tears are for the Living."
DeleteAs we get older the deaths do seem to increase. I just lost the last Aunt on either side of my family. I think every life should be celebrated! Yes, we are born to die and that is certain. I hope those who want to see me, don't wait until I die. Funerals are expensive and I want to be cremated because it is cheaper. We all came from dust any way! My family is aware of what I want. I won't be around to see if they follow through or not. I only hope they remember me as one who loved them very much. I tell them that daily. I consider every day a celebration! Love, ma
ReplyDeleteI feel the same way, Ma! Having worked briefly for a funeral home, I was stunned to witness how profitable death is to that industry.
DeleteI am so sorry about your recent losses...and yes...as we get older, we do tend to think about things a little differently. Keeping you in prayer.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Linda. I wasn't close to either Clif or Kim -- just left feeling a little empty. As you well know, our lives are so very fleeting!
DeleteMyra, your comments on my blog made me feel so good. I sure wish we lived closer. Me thinks we could really gab the day away.
ReplyDeleteYou sure have a way with words. Aged to perfection and still shiny on the inside.
I treasure that !!!!
Sue
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DeleteJoe and I had our funeral arrangements made nine years ago, so the call to the funeral home was easy and the hospital did that for me. Putting together his obituary and a slide show for the church memorial service was hard for me. My 'boys' only know me as they have known me for 40 years. They don't know my history. I have already written tidbits for my obituary, including my parents' names, deceased brother's name, my two sisters, etc. They don't have dates that will be needed. I need to put some pictures on a thumb drive for them to choose from. Hymns and verses, too. I hope it's a long time before needed, but you are right to be thinking about it and getting it done. I need to get it done too!! xo
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