On the Other Hand

 

Happy Thanksgiving!
    Of late, life on Chapman Road's been a mixed bag.
    Let me pour another cup and tell you about it.

Question!
When you get your new auto insurance cards, do you stop to check everything's in order?  Particularly when you've been doing business with this company for years.  Me, a resounding "No. Why would I?"

Imagine the look on my face when I received an e-mail from the State of Alabama informing me, if I don't provided proof of liability insurance within 30 days, my new car's registration will be revoked.

Spotting the link provided, I guessed it was a cyber scam.  Still, they had my attention.  Thankfully, the satellite tag office is but a mile away.   Thank goodness for eagle-eyed title clerks!  Turns out, the VIN # shown on the new insurance card bears little resemblance to the actual VIN!

On the other hand!
The company's customer service rep was really nice, apologizing all over herself -- and said we'd be receiving a $124 premium reduction.  (Suppose this is their way of saying, "I'm sorry"?  Stunned, I totally forgot to ask.)     

Happily, Tom recently agreed I could schedule the yard folks to come tame the shrubs, corral the fallen leaves.  Returning from the doctor yesterday afternoon, everything looked great.  Ready for company and carbs!

Yet, last night Mother Nature said, "Let's just see about that!" -- unleashing a whopping windstorm and buckets of rain.

On the other hand!
This means I don't have to clean the floors today.   And, because the clothes dryer's still on the fritz -- the repairman seems to have lost my number --  I'll go sit atop the machine with my finger on the power button while listening to my latest read.  (JA Jance's Collateral Damage).  No shoes or make-up required!

Thanksgiving?  Actually, I'm more relaxed than I've been in years.  (Thank you, Publix meal deals!)  My granddaughter's travelling to Mississippi to meet her fellow's extended family, so it will be just us, Troy and Lois.   Like the old saying goes, it's not what's on the table that counts, but who's around it.

You may have seen this 'funny' before -- it's making its way around FB again.  But this admonition still makes me giggle.  Let's call it, Holiday 10 Commandments:

Avoid carrot sticks.  Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Holiday spirit.  In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately.  Go next door where they're serving rum balls.

Drink as much eggnog as you can.  And quickly, it's rare.  You cannot find it any other time of year but now.  So drink up!  Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip?  It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something.  It's a treat.  Enjoy it.  Have one for me.  Have two.  It's later than you think!

If something comes with gravy, use it.  That's the whole point of gravy.  Gravy does not stand alone.  Pour it on.  Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes.  Fill it with gravy.  Eat the volcano.  Repeat.

As for mashed potatoes?  Always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk.  It it's skim, pass.  Why bother?  It's like buying a sports cars with an automatic transmission.

Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating.  The whole point of going to a holiday party is to eat other people's food for free.  Lots of it.  Hello?

Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Years.  You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do.  This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and vat of eggnog.

If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge.  Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention.  They're like a beautiful pair of shoes.  If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

Same for pies.  Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat.  Have a slice of each.  Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin.  Always have three.  When else do you get to have more than one dessert, Labor Day?

Did someone mention fruitcake?  Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories but avoid it at all cost.  I mean, have some standards.

One final tip:  If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table you haven't been paying attention.  Re-read tips.  Start over, but hurry.  January is just around the corner.

And remember this motto to live by:  "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but to skid in sideways, chocolate and wine in one hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming, "WOO HOO what a ride"!

🍂

Happy Thanksgiving, y'all.
Please stay safe!

Hugs, Myra