Tuesday, August 10, 2010

What the Doctor Ordered!

So, I've an unaccustomed day off. DH is due later today for his annual “poke n' peek” – his terminology for a necessary biopsy to ensure no new cancer cells have germinated. Four years clear … and counting! Your prayers are soooooo appreciated – that today marks Year #5.

Understandably we've been a bit tense …. and this morning's e-mail contained just the trigger to provoke my “funny bone.” No matter your circumstance, hope you, too, find reason to laugh aloud!

UPS Airlines

Remember, it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one -- a  reassurance to those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about aircraft problems. The mechanics correct the problems, document the repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-feet-per-minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF is always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics..

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last .....

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from the midget.

9 comments:

  1. Oh my gosh, I'm dyin' over here ... these are HILARIOUS!!!!! (Mind if I copy these to post in my Laughter is Good Medicine section with credit to you? Or better yet, just do a clickable link post to you?)

    Best of luck with the Poke & Peek & prayers for continued grace & many, many years of health & happiness!!!!!

    Hugs ~ Merana

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  2. That was funny!! Thanks for the laugh.

    God bless you and your family

    ~Ron

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  3. Very, very funny. I have to send to my brother, a retired mechanic for AA. Praying for your DH today!

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  4. Okay - that was a little scary! I'm not fllying anymore for awhile so . . .

    Prayers and praise for your hubby - mine had his surgery in 2003.

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  5. Thank you dear friend for the best giggles I've had today! These were so funny! The corgi kids kept coming over to me...wondering what their mama was laughing about!

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  6. Five years is a very good number! Prayers and blessings!

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  7. Oh My Gosh Sweetie...
    Now this one has me laughing. Oh how we need to laugh each day. What good it does for our souls.

    What a precious friend you are. I am keeping your hubbie in my prayers. 5 years and counting on forward. No looking back sweetie.

    Have a gorgeous Wednesday. Many hugs and so much love, Sherry

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  8. So funny. Thank you for this list.

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  9. Sending love - - - and thanks for the laughs!

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Thanks so much for dropping by! Your words are like hugs from afar.... and who doesn't love a hug!