Clearing the Air?

Hey, I know!  It's not always practical to speak up ... to say what you're really feeling.  

I've always been a sort of milquetoast; never one to stir the water.

It's pretty embarrassing, but I have to admit, there are big chunks of memory missing from my adolescent and teen years ..... not a particularly pleasant time.  Without sounding like a total drama queen - a fair amount of bullying went on.  (Except, back in the 60's, that wasn't a popular colloquialism.)

Imagine my surprise when, not long ago, I received a Facebook friend request from someone I vaguely remember as being one of my tormentors ... a "mean girl."  More curious than anything, I accepted C's request. 

OK, I was probably hoping she'd grown into a Real Hag.  No such luck.  C seems like an attractive, pleasant-enough soul; and in fact, she's commented nicely about remembering good times spent at my house and my "adorable" little dog, Pepper.   Would it be terribly rude to admit, I have NO recollection ... only the taunts, the put-downs.  Part of me just wants to know, "Why?" 

Conversely!  On several occasions I've attempted to hook up with one of my earliest play-mates.  After graduation we all scattered in differing directions.  But a few years ago, I spotted A's name on Facebook and sent a friend request ... a private message ... even a hand-written note to her address of record.  "For the good times."

As you can probably guess, there's been zero response.  I've considered asking our mutual friends, "Do you remember me doing something or saying something hurtful?"  If so, I'd really like the opportunity to apologize.  You know?

I'm guessing most of us recall past, unreconciled hurts we'd like to make right.  Loose ends drive me wonky!

Then again, to what end would any of that serve?

Well.  Rather than fret about folks I'll never have see again, I'm hoping to clear the air a little closer to home.  Because DH isn't entirely on board, I thought I'd use one of my 'lifelines' and 'ask the audience.'  

Tom's son is a really good guy.

Unfortunately, since he married, our interactions have been few and well, strained.   Coming from  a very large, uber-close family, I get that she wanted to buy a home in the immediate area where her parents and most siblings reside.   Because we don't belong to - or espouse - their (seeming) exclusionary religion ... they've never been especially interested in engaging with us.
 

Seriously awkward, each of the grand's birthdays. My heart hurts, watching DH try time and again to strike up conversation with her dad. 

Obligatory.  I get it.  I appreciate that son and DIL care enough to invite us to their home 3-4 times a year.

Their children are adorable, but really.  When you're 4 (or 5) (or 6), high on cake, tearing around the backyard with a dozen or more of your 'besties'  ... do you really want to sit and make conversation with some old people you don't really know?

Their parents?  They've siblings and buddies of their own drinking wine in the kitchen, manning the BBQ.

No-one's ignoring anyone on purpose ... I get it.  I remember.

Yes, I remember being that young woman who, so preoccupied, had little time for more than a smile at an in-law's elderly mother ... the obligatory guest. 

Grandson has a birthday coming up. 

Without finger-pointing or rancor, I'd like to say something like, "We appreciate your invitation, but." 

... and instead, propose a get-together at a burger joint like we all enjoyed on Christmas eve.  (Our place is out of the question because son dislikes our dogs and well, they live here, you don't.)

Before (hopefully) relocating next year, I'd like to clear the air. 
Or, do you think the risk of hurt feelings is worth it? 

Ma reminds us, today is National Reconciliation Day.

 
Is there anyone with whom you'd like to reconcile?
Life's so short!

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As always, thanks for listening.  Have a beautiful week!

Hugs from Phoenix,

Myra