Super Glue is NOT my friend.
Despite chaos surrounding my office these last couple weeks, I awoke yesterday feeling refreshed and assured. No doubt, the Very Important Meeting would flow smoothly.
Did I just say "assured"? That would be my first mistake.
My role is, at best, that of a minor league player. However, I'm always anxious to make a good impression on our company VIP's. These men and women are honestly amazing .... in fact, I would probably pay for the opportunity to apprentice under Madam President. (shhh!) Anyhow, I digress.
Sensing my urgency, the Universe decided to remind me that "haste makes waste": I began the workday by slamming a desk drawer on my middle finger, effectively splitting the acrylic nail down through the ikky, pink center. #*!%*!!!
Instead of doing the sensible thing and throwing a band-aid on the offending digit, I paged Engineering to puleeeze rush me some Super Glue. (Note: It's been 30+ years since I last attempted to force open a tube ... with my teeth. Really.)
Engineering delivered not one, but two tubes, explaining "they're little; knock yourself out." Carefully, deliberately, I lifted the little red cap, punctured the nozzle, then began to squeeze. Nothing. (Hmm, must be old, used glue.) Push the pin a little deeper and squeeze. Still nothing. (Flippin, defective glue!). On to the second tube and repeat.
About this time a co-worker kindly suggested that I actually remove the foil membrane protecting the contents. Anxiously wielding a safety-pin, I missed the rest of his sentence: "but be very careful."
You guessed it. Super Glue splashed happily, mightily across both hands and the desk blotter. Grab the Kleenex, this is a 911! (Soooo wrong.) Did you know water is actually an accelerant? Me neither.
The Great Meeting was anticlimactic. My hubby (the hobbyist) recommended a lanolin-base lotion, so I wasn't reduced to sitting on my hands. My blotter (presently upside-down) doesn't look all that awful either. 'Just hope I'll not be prohibited from using scissors or packing tape anytime soon.